Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Dating 101: Be the Standard

This generation is so lost when it comes to so many things, dating and relationships being one of them.  The men in my life, friends and family members alike, are wonderful examples of a man's role in relationship. It's because of them that I'm optimistic about one day meeting my king.  In conversations with girlfriends, I often take the side of viewing good men in abundance. I truly believe that good men are walking this planet. However, I recognize that a good man or a good woman is not a universal term for 'fit for all'. 

Being single has allowed me to get to know, work on, and build myself.  In my alone time, I am able to connect with who I am as a woman on a deeper level. Naturally during this time, I have the opportunity to meet and explore different personalities, which makes it easier to decipher what I do and don't want in a potential mate.  I am perfectly fine with being single for now, but there are just some things I don't understand about how people approach dating situations. Quite frankly, I didn't always have standards and that put me in trashy situations with men. Before I was willing to compromise and give myself to anyone who said I was pretty. Thank God I've chosen to BE the standard from here on out. Call it high maintenance, but at this point, I refuse to settle because I know my worth.

Although I'm not one to give people a hard time, there are a few ways to deal with me for a person who has taken interest, or rather how I feel a man should treat any woman:
  • I am a lady. Treat me as such. Do not obnoxiously hunk your horn and expect me to run outside when we getting ready to go out.
  • Be yourself on the first date, so I'll feel comfortable reciprocating that authenticity. Women have this weird ability to see through b.s.
  • Don't spend all your life savings trying to impress me, because it won't work (flashy is not really my thing).
  • Let things flow naturally. For example, the 21 questions thing is a middle school game.  The more we talk, the more you listen, the more we spend time together, the more myself will be revealed. Simple.
  • If you really like me, show me.
  • Respect me by being completely honest. If it's casual, say so, just know that it won't go beyond friendship unless it's intended for us to work out differently. 
  • You will never get to know the real me strictly through Texting, Tweeting, and liking my IG pictures and technology will never replace the intimacy of phone calls and quality time.
  • No, I will not come over to "chill" with you after 9pm.
  • If we reach the point where we are in a committed relationship, I will work through the hard times and be the best woman I can be. No one is perfect, but (sorry) I will not take you back if you cheat on or constantly lie to me.
  • If you're not my boyfriend, don't expect the benefits of being one.
I could go on and on, but for the sake of not putting the complete blueprint to my heart on my blog, I digress. The point is pretty clear, right? I take all relationships seriously. And even though I know every guy I come across won't be my husband, I still think the rules to dating still apply.  It's just a respect principle. The ones that fail to understand this aren't typically the ones who hold my interest for long. Or am I the one unconsciously doing something wrong here?

Maybe I'm just too old fashioned for these new school shenanigans.


Chymere Anais


  1. Great post! I definitely agree with your girl. Games in relationships are just so dumb. It's better to be upfront and honest from the get-go!


  2. I think those are pretty basic easy rules that every man should be following and other women should have the same rules. Sadly, that's not the case I know plenty of men and women who don't think any of that is necessary...for shame. But I feel you, being single has made more time for me to figure myself out and to figure out what I really want in a mate.

  3. Bam! Love love love the last one, I read it and was like, bam! which is why I said it there lol. I think dating is the most complicated simple thing in the world because you are dealing with a completely different human being than yourself, and it's only made harder when games are being played. I think it's really important to have your boundaries and stick with them (as you're doing here), I think you are absolutely in the right.

    Good luck :)

  4. Visiting via 20somethingbloggers! I love this post!! So real and authentic! I cracked up a few times because your list is so true!!! Thanks for sharing

  5. Girl. You hit all key points. I guess it takes us to experience a few bad relationships to understand the value of a good man/good woman and what we truly want/need/deserve. Reading your tips had me waving my church fan. I agree all the way.

    Miss Daja

  6. You are definitely NOT doing anything wrong. I think it's safe to say that me and you are around the same age, but sometimes don't you feel as though you were born in the wrong generation?!

    Chiiiild, these men now days will never have a chance if they keep up with what they have going now. The texting more than calling, chilling after 9 pm and beating around the bush is something that I can not get with...



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