Monday, March 11, 2013

College Diaries: Never Too Late

At times I tend to think I'm older than I actually am, allowing myself to drown in the woes of past mistakes and watching all my counterparts swiftly pass me by.  This gets to be a burden and ultimately an obstacle that I've created on my own, because while I'm preoccupied with playing the victim, time just keeps progressing and I'm on the sidelines wondering where it drifted to.  

When I mentally calculate graduation time, I include comparisons to the people who were freshmen in high school when I was a senior that will probably be graduating with me or younger students who have already finished their college career before me. Worst yet, I'll think of all my little cousins who will be in college the same time as me. As ridiculous as it sounds, the thought of me being so much older than them depressed me and, for a while, stopped me from even trying.  

Then, I take a look at individuals who have decided to continue their college education at a much older age than I.  I admire the strength of these people, because despite the constant reminder of age by often being the oldest person in class, they remember what must be done. Whether it's a personal goal they never accomplished or they want to improve the quality of their life on some scale, they remember that it's not always about other people; it's about being selfish enough to follow what it takes to improve and achieve higher learning. 

School has always only been somewhat important to me, but I've always been uncertain about whether or not I wanted to continue.  Maybe a small part of me was still convinced that I wasn't designed for college. By the way, I no longer believe that is true for anyone.  You can do whatever you put your mind to and any human brain is capable of comprehending college level courses).

Sometimes I would sit in class and doodle or daydream, bored out of my mind. Other times I lacked focus in my studies. Sometimes in a lecture I would sit and daydream about a million other things I'd rather be doing.  But doesn't that happen to everyone?  It's all a matter of sticking it out and never, ever giving up, which is something I'm constantly preaching about, but not honestly living.  Nothing worth having is easy to obtain.  

Do I think one can obtain success without a degree? Absolutely.  However, that's not the road I want to take.  I think I owe it to myself, and those who have believed and invested in me, to finish what I started. There is still a level of discipline that comes with classroom learning.  Resources are abundant all over this earth, but there is more value in perspectives gained from professors and peers alike. Plus, the collegiate experience is not restricted to a classroom environment; it goes way beyond that. It's about challenge, networking, creating and sustaining opportunity, and the list goes on. 

I now realize that it's never too late to fulfill whatever goals you set out to achieve. Not only is it unhealthy to beat yourself up over things that can't be undone, but it's also just as bad to compare your journey to someone else's. Every breath is a brand new opportunity to rise above self inflicted limitations and live out your dreams at your own pace.

I'll close this out with one of my favorite quotes that pretty much sums up where I am mentally:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." 
-Marianne Williamson

♥ Chymere A. 

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13 comments

  1. Love this! I went to school for journalism and I'm also a proud alumna of an HBCU so this hits home for me.

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    1. Thank you! What school did you attend??

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  2. I love this post and this is something I can relate to because I am too having this struggle. I'm 25 and have been off & on from college due financial issues, relationships, not knowing what exactly what I want to do and the list continues. During my little 1 1/2 year hiatus off from college I've worked atleast 3 jobs were the pay still sucks and still a constant struggle to make due with bills I do have. Being 25 I'm stuck on my age and being in a classrooms with mostly ppl younger than just wasn't going to happen at the time for me, But I do started to talk to ppl who were older than me going back to school and I'm blown away by there commitment to getting an education no matter if its an AS or BA i realize I do need something just to fall back on. This post definitely lets me know I am not the only one battling this out my age vs. getting a high education. Oh and I didn't know you attend A&T, lol that was and still is my school of choice once I get back in school.

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    1. That's so cool! And I know...sometimes it feels like you're the only one going through whatever it is you're dealing with. So I say go for it and we can meet up and hang!!!

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  3. Awwww! This is so wonderful to read/hear! I'm happy you've decided to do what's best for you and not dwell on others around you. Everyone's circumstance is different. Hell, sometimes I feel annoyed that I'm a super super senior but I figure what the hey, we're all here trying to figure out what works best for us success-wise. What school are you thinking of attending?

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    1. Thank you for the support and yes I had to realize too that everyone is in a different situation. I'll be continuing at North Carolina A&T State University.

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  4. How much time do you have left? I think we all have the these thoughts when the work gets tough, and the motivation lacks. In high school they called it Senioritis, but I've felt it freshman year, and every year onward Lol.

    I definitely agree it's never to late to fulfill goals, or start a new one. Humans are capable of anything, and nine times out of ten we're battling ourselves, our thoughts about a situation along the way.

    I always considered going to an HBCU, I'm glad you're enjoying your time there. Pray you have the most success, and the strength to endure through your classes to get that degree!

    You got it. Don't doubt yourself.

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    1. Girl about 1 year and some change...I hope.

      Thank you for your prayers and encouragement!

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  5. Yes, the two worst things we can do to ourselves is watch the clock and watch someone else's progress. Timing is everything and I believe in you so as long as you're giving your best at all times, things will fall into place when it's supposed to.

    You're a beautiful woman. Stay focused. =)

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    1. awww thank you for your kind words, Daja! I really do appreciate them!

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  6. Good luck! You can do it, and it will be well worth it at the end.

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    1. Thank you for your encouragement, I receive it!

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