Monday, March 4, 2013

Nostalgic Moments

If I am ever given the opportunity to sit still long enough, my mind will sometimes drift into my past. During these moments, I travel down memory lane and at some point on my journey on that long, begotten trail, I stop, holding my thoughts within a particular time frame. Although I risk being stung by historical pain, usually, the stopping point turns out to be quite a pleasant memory that exudes so much happiness I can vividly imagine myself reliving that very moment.  With the joy of time reversal on my side, even if in my imagination, I begin trying to restore as much as I can from that time period. I dig up old photographs, read old journals, and get lost in that place through as many sources as possible. It's become something like a hobby, not to be mistaken for an obsession, to uncover where my mind was versus where it is now. Sometimes I'm shocked by what I find, as if I were never present in those moments and shocked by provoked feelings as if the present doesn't exist, but mostly I'm happy, with a more objective outlook rather than wishing for a return.  

During my attempt to restore lost times, somehow, I managed to gain access to my original blog that I started circa February 2009, The Sweetheart Chronicles.  Browsing through 2 years worth of my life in written form, I realized that there was a lot of material that I felt was still fitting to the current times.  In order to create a more personal atmosphere, I decided to start adding a few  post to my blog according to the date they were originally posted, all of which can be found under the archives in the right side bar.  It's amazing how the core of some things never really change.  It almost felt like i was putting the pieces of my own life puzzle back together in a sense and I'm finding things I never really paid much attention to before.  Also, the fact that nothing is ever really permanently deleted from cyberspace is even more fascinating.

To me, nostalgia isn't necessarily a bad, forbidden thing.  I am aware that every step I've taken thusfar has allowed and pushed me to move forward. Every person I've encountered, in some way or another, has been in my life for a specific reason. I'm not able to clearly script a non-fictional story, nor a fictional one based on my own experiences, without diving into that universe from time to time, just like it's not sensible to drive safely without checking the rear view mirror periodically. I'm just happy to be at a place now where I'm not afraid to be an open book....because the truth of the matter is, the only eyes that ever cross my words are eyes of people who are supposed to get something from whatever I/my story have/has to offer them at the time.  Whoever reads my mess my message, was led by a much greater force than temptation, and understanding this has given me more reasons to keep writing, just for the love of it. 

“Strange, how the best moments of our lives we scarcely notice except in looking back.”  -Joe Abercrombie

 Chymere Anais


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