Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Fly Away...

Recently, I've developed a strange appetite for stability. 

This probably happened as a result of frustration. I spent a majority of my adulthood giving into my free spirited instincts, however, my impulse actions and irrational decisions have, thus far, proven to be unsuccessful. Moving from place to place, doing what I want, but not really accomplishing much to brag about. Honestly, I don't know if it's me talking or the voices of a society based stigma regarding people who create their own path. I used to cringe at the thought of "stability". Either way, I still want to be proud of something...something that shows me, if no one else, what I'm capable of. 

The ground I'm standing on has been shaken a little bit these past few months, so now, more than anything, I just want to be rooted.  I've been wanting to find a place where I can establish my career foundation independently and build an amazing, fulfilling life for myself...and possibly even a place where love will find me, so that the empires we've built individually can merge into one.  Not to intentionally sound bizarre by contradicting what I told myself a while ago about finding contentment where I am, but I'm starting to believe that my own personal happiness has a lot more to do with geography than I thought. 

As I'm sitting here with a one-way flight confirmation email staring at me and taunting my lack of courage invading my happy thoughts, I start to feel a little uneasy, a little confused about something that I was so sure about just months ago.  Am I prepared enough? Should I cancel? Should I redecorate my room and just get comfortable where I'm free of most of my financial responsibilities?  Should I wait it out and stay for another year? Would leaving be a huge mistake? The bigger question is: where did the hesitation come from? What happened to the resilient, confident, bigger-than-life girl [sans inhibitions] who had incredible faith that things would work out for her good?  I miss her. I need her to remind me of the dream I'm starting to forget.

One of my accountability partners is always checking up on the progress of my plans, as any good accountability partner would do.  A few months ago, she moved to her dream city, NYC, and even though things have been less than perfect, she's taking a bite out of the "big apple" and sticking it out on her own. For her, this is where she belongs.  Several bloggers and friends have also done the same thing by relocating for different reasons. I'm proud and inspired by them all, but in this moment, I will admit to being a bit envious. I was probably given ample amount of opportunities and resources to make that move happen, but I'm still here wishing and waiting while the clock keeps ticking.

Now that I've gotten all that off my chest and into the universe, I seriously think it's time to re-navigate where my energy is going.

Besos,
Chymere Anais
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4 comments

  1. interesting. most ppl feel they are not where they need to be bc of lack of free spirit lol. I think any decision we make teaches us lessons required for our path. Likewise, there is something to be said about learning hard lessons early in life. Ive had a somewhat similar path but I believe those early lessons are set for people that have a mighty future to behold that requires resilience and strength. Next year it is my intent to travel for a few months and I have full faith in the universe from now until then ways will be made for me to achieve that.

    I remember reading your posts about moving to cali and it sounds like your heart is already there. Im excited for you and cant wait for the Cali posts in due time.

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    1. And I look forward to hearing about your travel adventures! Thank you for your encouragement!

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  2. I think all things happen when the time is right. My dad says this to me constantly: handle your business and everything will fall into place. It's so easy to get lost in the goals of the future that the present sometimes feels like an infinite pit that you're falling in and you feel stuck. Just renavigate your energy to the now and focus on that, what you want will happen. I read The Alchemist recently and I believe what Coelho said, the universe works wonders in trying to help you achieve your goal. I really believe that. So just focus on the here and now and have faith that the then will happen when it's time. Or at least that's what I'm doing lol.

    I loved this post. It was so beautifully written. "I miss her. I need her to remind me of the dream I'm starting to forget." I loved the way that I was said. But I think you've never forgotten, I think you always remember, I think the wait is causing your confidence to waiver a little bit, but just believe. You got this girl :)

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    1. Thank you...and you're so right. It's something my mom is always telling me too that if I rush into something, it won't work and you'll find yourself always having to start over because of it. Timing is everything.

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