Sunday, February 2, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | Day #2: Past/Current Relationship

{#WILDFLOWERSUNSCRIPTED Day #2: Past/Current Relationship}
When the sun is out, life is fine.  I am focused on bettering myself. Some nights, sleep comes easy.  But it's those strange  in between hours where nostalgia has the best of me, allowing me to cling too tightly to the experience of a time past. Quite possibly, it is the stand out reason why my manifestation process has been a little off in this particular area. 

He fit me so well.  How many times in life do we encounter that person who compliments our whole effortlessly? 


I've tried to avoid writing about him in this new year, because ink feels very permanent to me, theoretically speaking. I was afraid to write this down, fear that my own words would live to haunt me, just like the memory of him does on nights like this. He seeps into my dreams and breaks my heart all over again. In all honesty, he never really broke my heart; I was just the damsel in distress who deliberately pushed her king away.  So this is my consequence of forcing the perfect love to fit into the wrong time frame. After all, every action has one [a consequence]. I'm still learning how to cope/function, but it's really hard...just as hard as it was 4 years ago.  

Apart of me wants to suppress these emotions as a sincere attempt to forget forever.  All these years of building myself up, only to feel in ruin again.  I guess Rome was built and rebuilt several times, and is still one of the greatest standing empires, but that's not the point.  I just want my sanity again, a refreshing burst of I AM WORTHY to resonate loudly within me, powerful enough for me to believe that it does get better and that God does have something better in store for me, if only I could just learn to release. Every time I travel down this road of longing for something so unattainable, it feels like I'm a living oxymoron and not really as empowered as I claim to be. 

Unfortunately, in this case, my romantic past is my current and I haven't been able to draw the line between the two. I try so hard to let go, but the truth is...

I'll save that for DAY #15: Confession. 

besos,
Chymere Anais
SHARE:

6 comments

  1. I'm curious as to why you can't move on. We all have our reasons.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish I knew. There have been others, and I was able to move on from them, but when it comes to this one, I just haven't been able to. And I haven't figured out why.

      Delete
  2. Its Okay to hold on to a memory. But living for you is much easier. You don't need a confession to say that parts of you still want his love. Its all in God's plan. It may have been awhile since "the end" but refresh yourself honey, the beginning is here, you just need to grasp it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your words. You're right, I don't need a confession day to say that part, but it's really not the part I planned to write. = )

      Delete
  3. You killed it with that ROME line! I never even thought of it like that! I can totally relate to the feelings you have about your him -- sometimes you feel like should I go back because there may just not be anything better....


    KIMBERLYLUXE + From A Wildflower

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! Finally someone who can relate! Thanks for reading, Kim!

      Delete

© Chymere Anais | All rights reserved.
Blogger Template Created by pipdig