Thursday, February 20, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #20: How I Imagined My Twenties vs. Reality

Obviously, during my youth, I held on to lavish expectations of my twenties. Most of us did.  However, I think my perception of "having it together" has changed drastically from that point.  I used to think that success was tied to the tangibles, such as having a car or having a good job with benefits, going on expensive trips with girlfriends, and although those are the basics, it doesn't end or begin there.

In retrospect, my goals were more limited and boxed in. I wanted to be, do, follow every path my family expected me to follow in order to make them proud.  I wanted to be the perfect friend and girlfriend. Deep down inside, I wanted to be apart of certain crowds, even if it cost me my own identity. I wanted a nice car, a nice house, a good man, and while I do still desire the latter of those things, they no longer serve as the ultimate standard for what I want to achieve in life. The questions I ask myself now to keep myself on track are more on the lines of how balanced I am,  how rich my relationships are, how much time I invest in activities that bring me joy, etc. In high school, things like that were far from my mind. My realm of understanding was all social conditioning and things that I was taught to want.

The major difference between then and now is that I was not my authentic self then.  I did not understand what it meant to be true to that.  For instance, once I started to understand myself more, I looked at my tattoos with eyes of regret, thinking that they were permanent, impulsive ties to a phase I've graduated from, but now I see them as beautiful, artistic symbols of several layers of who I am and what I stand for.   

Twenties is an odd decade of growth, self-discovery, and clarification of which direction to take, however, I'm learning to be present, to be fully engulfed in this moment.  Although I am imperfectly human, nothing is a mistake.  Every step plays a vital role in this journey, and I'm just enjoying the ride. 

-Chymere A.
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2 comments

  1. I love the questions you ask yourself now and completely agree with what you have to say about twenties life. Lol, I imagined this age to be so different but I am being pleasantly surprised by what has come to matter to me and what life has had in store for me thus far as well. And I am forever learning to be present. Baby steps :) Great post :)

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