There are certain things that I admit to allowing to get under my skin; one of those things being injustice and disrespecting human rights. When the news about Ferguson hit, it was like I'd never heard bad news a day in my life and it became a domino effect. When it comes to human tragedy imposed on another human, I will never be immune to things like that. However, what I've been learning about myself as all of this has transpired is learning how to not take on the negative energies that takes place outside of my control. Protecting my peace, as Lindsay so eloquently put it H E R E.
The other day while we were watching a gospel program on TV, Mother Darling told me that I'm becoming more and more cynical. Although I defended myself, her sharing that put a mirror to my face. Then, I finally realized that my defense told me she was right and I know if she noticed it, others have too. Another similar incident made me see that mirror once more. In a debate I got into with a former classmate of mine surrounding the recent issues in Missouri, I was called out about my delivery. Let me just say, she is an extremely intelligent girl with a constant flow of beautiful thoughts, but my attitude interrupted what could have very well been a descent conversation. We later talked about it and her words sparked something that mom used to tell me all the time: it's not what you say, but how you say it. That also confirmed that my current state of cynicism is rubbing off on how I speak to people, which is not cool.
Honestly, I have become jaded by all the darkness I open my spirit up to every time I turn on the news or anytime I let someone else's hurt define me. A number of things exist in this world that cause me to react, more than understand, and even though I know this about myself, it's almost like I indulge in the torture of it all.
Of course this was a gradual shift in my character, because things like that happen over time. There is a Lauryn Hill song that immediately comes to mind as I reflect on what transformation I sense happening at the moment. Don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem, baby girl. Yeah...that one. And I'm really trying to learn how to not let how passionate I am by nature get the worst of me.
Of course this was a gradual shift in my character, because things like that happen over time. There is a Lauryn Hill song that immediately comes to mind as I reflect on what transformation I sense happening at the moment. Don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem, baby girl. Yeah...that one. And I'm really trying to learn how to not let how passionate I am by nature get the worst of me.
I am at a place now where I want the love I know I have inside of me to shine at its full capacity from every single dimension of who I am. I want to love myself enough to be more at peace...with myself, with others, and the world/my community in order to find true happiness and not let go when something bad happens. When I leave an impression on someone, I don't want it to just "be good" or acceptable; I want it to make a difference. This has inadvertently become the chief aim, so to speak, of my self ♡ love journey.
Pearls for the day: Continue to pray. Continue to dream. Continue to love (and let it be magical). Continue to thrive in every environment God places you in. And let people wonder and be inspired by how you do it.
♡ // Chymere Anais