Sunday, November 23, 2014

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | An Act of Release

Despite how freeing it is to finally let go of something, it's not always a speedy process. It may take some people longer than others to get to a place in their existence where the hurt, pain, damage, etc. is just not worth holding on to anymore. We are all so infatuated with time, that we allow the time to pass while we're complaining about it. The point, though, is not to keep track of the time, but to take the time to heal in spite of it. 

For example, I spent years, literally, blaming a particular person for the damage they caused, for "ruining my ability to love". Even when I thought I moved on, when no one was watching, I would mull over the things that went wrong and what I could have done differently.  I created this ideal image of what happened within our involvement with one another to avoid facing the cold, hard reality. The most significant part was looking in the mirror and realizing the role I played in allowing one person to have that much control over my mind and emotions. No one should have that much power over you. 

Then one day, I craved closure. Not only was the previously mention situation still haunting me in a way, it was creating a blockage that wasn't fair to the person I'm currently building with.  This is not to imply that moving on always requires [direct] closure, but it was absolutely necessary for me personally. 

I remembered a message I wrote that was saved on my notes app that pretty much said (in nicer language, of course), "Good-bye and have a nice life"; waiting for me to release it to who it was intended for. Every now in then, I'd read it and prayed for the day where I was courageous enough to mean what was said, but it just sat there, because I wanted my words to hold weight. I kept thinking to myself, especially during moments when I saw all the goodness happening right in front of my face, 'Girl. Let it go.'  So on this particular day, I decided it was time.

Self-love is a continuous process and often times, quite challenging, so I continue to write through it. Hoping my mess message will make a difference in someone else's life. Writing a letter is the best way I've ever known how to express myself. I sent the note as an act of release and I was taken back by my own bravery. Seeing that he did indeed read it was such a relief, which was even more of a surprise to me (I thought I would be hurt by the lack of response, but I really wasn't affected at all, to be honest). And let me just say from this and many other experiences, letting go of something that you've been holding on to in vain has to be one of the most liberating feelings in the world. 

Pearls of Wisdom: It's all a matter of finding forgiveness in your heart, distributing it out to anything/anyone that hinders joy, growth, or inner peace, and not worrying that your compassion will somehow deplete the more you give it away. To forgive others is to heal self. Forgive others so that you are able to move forward without negativity pulling you backwards. 




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1 comment

  1. Your writing is so captivating.
    Letting go is so important; for some reason we don't realize this until whatever it was we were holding on to begins to control us at dangerous degrees. Self-love is the way we can begin to let go and I can definitely identify with your journey.

    Adia // Adia Sinead

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