Sunday, April 19, 2015

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | Guard Your Heart

Being guarded has always felt a bit like an oxymoron. On one hand, this mechanism taught me so many dimensions of the love I have for myself, for others, and the world around me. In that regard, it has been a sort of protective shield, which can be a good thing. On the other hand, I became immune-so numb to the pain of detachment and so doubtful of anything potentially good happening-that I built indestructible walls around my heart that would be able to withstand any storm and would never shake or crumble, making it nearly impossible to open my eyes wide enough see the world in an optimistic light.

For example, there was an era in my life where people came and went so much that it didn't bother me either way after a while. There was no real purpose in trying to build anything with anybody. During this time, I tricked myself into believing it was unrealistic to expect another human being to love someone like me. I simply gave up hope. The isolation kept me so incredibly guarded that I subconsciously blocked the positive along with the negative.

Fortunately and gradually, I was reminded of the vast world that exist right beyond my tough exterior. I was reminded that one day, I would open my heart again and allowing my guards to fall would be well worth the risk. With a renewed sense of hope, I started to hammer cracks in my outer shell to make it easier for others to maneuver pass my defense system, to make it easier for good things to make their way into my life without any doubt or self sabotage. But sometimes, even I couldn't break through all the layers, forcing me to resort back to feeling like my effort wasn't good enough and filling in the cracks I made from the inside.

Anytime I welcome someone or something new into my life, of course I want whatever/whoever it is to stay forever, but I had to learn that it doesn't always work like that. It used to hurt so badly whenever I felt like I "missed out" on a person or an opportunity, because I love so hard and get extremely attached, even if I don't always show or express it. When I seriously grow to love anything, I give it my all. Although it's still a very difficult task for me to be completely open to new possibilities, I try to believe that good things can and will happen. If I feel like a relationship that is meaningful to me is slipping, I try to locate what's wrong and fix it. Rather than viewing my passion as a downfall, I now see it as a kind of superpower I'm still learning how to master.

Instead of rebuilding that wall of steel when my actions are not reciprocated or things don't exactly align the way I see fit, I've come up with a different approach; total surrender, total trust. As I relinquish that false sense of power by control, I am able to love, accept, and move on accordingly, a far shot from where I used to be. I now know that once I've given my best and it's still not enough, I have no other choice but to walk away and give God control over the situation.  This does not imply that I no longer guard my heart; it just means that I don't have to always react to adversity in such a negative way that I create blockage for future blessings, nor do I feel the need to have all the answers, all the control, all the time.

Acceptance is knowing that everyone and every opportunity is not designed for me, which is something I've written multiple times over the course of this self-love journey. Because I am human and I can be foolish sometimes, there will be instances where I choose to not listen to my intuition; it's a process. However, being aware of the differences helps me better decipher the seasonal from the lifetime, the good from the evil, etc. and being careful not to confuse any of the two.

The God-inspired verse said it best in Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." That scripture has been my guiding light in not only relationship matters, but also in life, I guard my heart to prevent toxins and pollution from disturbing my purpose, but not to the point where I am intentionally missing the beauty around/within me. My heart is a sacred place. and although I'm no longer as hellbent as I once was about guarding it, I still think it's very important to remain protective of it.




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Sunday, April 5, 2015

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | Facing Reality

The thing about clarity is, it doesn't always come wrapped in a pretty package nor is it always delivered under the circumstances of "handle with care". Sometimes reality is a hard kick in the abdomen when you're least expecting it. Despite how painful it may be to accept truth, truth in itself is impossible to run away from and that's life. 

Lately, I admit that I was trying my best to run away from the truth, chasing the delusions drawn by my own imagination. While I was busy living in dreamland, the universe was trying to open my eyes and God was busy trying to protect me from the things I couldn't possibly foresee on my own. Choosing to walk in certain situations blind sighted was doing more harm than good. Just as I was avoiding the negative by escaping my own reality, I was also do a good job at avoiding the positive, and closing myself off from all the good that can only happen if I would learn how to fully release/let go of all that isn't aligned with where I am at this point in my life.

There's a valuable lesson to be learned in putting my heart in places it doesn't fit. One major lesson is a confirmation of what I already know, as I've said this many times over the course of the SLS series: what is meant to be, will be and who God has for me is for me. Somehow, I believed the universe needed my assistance, but boy was I wrong! It re-teaches me that everything happens for a reason. More than anything, it shows me how much I've grown, because instead of mulling over what went wrong, I'm peacefully accepting the things I have absolutely no control over. From here on out, I just have to be able to trust all things organic, all things present and real, and to be completely patient with the process of life unfolding as it should. 

Facing reality doesn't change a thing. I am still unapologetic about who I am and who I allow into my life, past and present; only next time around, I'll know the difference between fantasy and reality, because I am more willing to take responsibility for my inability to discern between the two in the first place.

Pearls of Wisdom: Embrace where you are in this moment. Appreciate the people, opportunities, and resources that are available to you right now. Accept truth and don't try to hold on to anything that isn't for you, so that you are able to clear the necessary space for the blessings that are destined to follow inner peace. Things don't always work out as we planned, but certainly, there is always a higher power working on our behalf.  

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Sunday, January 18, 2015

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | To the Woman Who Taught Me How to Love Myself


I would not be the woman I am today without the force of this queen guiding me towards the woman I was born to be. The love she has for God, for her family, for others trumps the love she holds for herself-it is so wide and expansive-and I am beyond grateful that she was chosen to bring me into this world. In honor of her, I want to discuss, as briefly as I possibly can, my struggle to love myself and how the part my beautiful mommy continues to play in discovering myself.

For as long as I can remember, my mom would wake up at the crack of dawn to pray, dedicating her waking hours to meditate and honor God. When I was younger, I didn't understand the practice itself, but I know now that the faith my mom has is immaculate and I believe her prayers have saved my life many times. She is constantly striving to grow spiritually, actively welcoming God's presence into her space, which, actually, directly affects everyone who crosses her path.

She taught me that knowledge is power. Not only did she teach me this, she embodied it. Because of her, I know that my mind is my most powerful tool. She would always tell me that knowledge was the one thing I could acquire that no one could ever take away from me. Growing up, she made sure that my learning experiences extended the school curriculum through exposure to things beyond my immediate environment, no matter how much she and my dad had to sacrifice to make it so. 

There were many times where I didn't think I was smart enough to do certain things and rather than coaxing my insecurities, she'd say something along the lines of, 'It's only true if you believe it to be.' Although I knew she believed in me, her saying that implied that her belief alone would never be enough to make me achieve the goals I have. It challenged me to be disciplined and to find motivation within myself to write my own success story, not one that was birthed out of obligation.

Contrary to popular parenting, I was given the liberty to think for myself, invariably. Once I reached a certain age, she gave me room to make my own choices, allowing me to find my own path, make mistakes, and if a certain route didn't work, to get back up and try again. Even with all the accolades she has under her belt that I still don't think I could live up to in a lifetime, not once did she make me-or anyone else-feel less than.  I am very grateful for that freedom to just be myself, because as many times as I've encountered failure, I've always had the resiliency to bounce back and it taught me how to be independent in a way I would have never know otherwise.

Among a list of other life lessons, the most important thing I could have ever learned from my mom is how to love myself; how to be my own person and how to love who I am at every stage of my life. It's such a blessing to be loved by a woman like my mom. What an amazing woman! I can't imagine life without her (wouldn't dare try), but I'm more than honored that every day is a new opportunity to be her daughter.

I love you so much, mommy, my queen. 
H A P P Y  B I R T H D A Y ! ! !

♥ (always) // @ChymereA


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Sunday, January 11, 2015

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | Believe in Abundance


Through much trial and error with investing so much of myself, my time, and my energy into things and people that weren't designed to benefit me, I've learned that when I am focused on improving self, everything else naturally falls into place.

When I'm aligned with my purpose, I don't have to stress about things that don't exactly go as planned nor do I have to doubt that my prayers are being heard, because I know that everything is moving in the right order, at its natural speed, even when I don't always see it working out. 

See, there is a huge difference between praying/waiting and begging. In my experience, I've never been placed in a position to beg for anything. When I willingly put myself in a begging position, it almost never worked out. If it did, it's becomes more of a lesson than a blessing and I had to learn how to stop being so desperate to make my plans fit where they don't necessarily belong.  

Once I was unable to see the bigger picture with my own eyes, I was almost forced to trust God and the process/struggle of my life over my own limited view. The moment I did is when the image in front of me became much more precise. That's when I was reminded that what God has in store for me is absolutely mine and no one on this earth can take it away from me. There's also no need or room for me to beg. At that point, I was able to handle my prayers with caution, because I may very well receive what I'm praying for and it may not always turn out to be what I expected it to be. It's not to say that I don't ask for certain things, but to imply that not everything we're given in this world requires a chase. 

Every person that walks your way ain't for you. Every opportunity is not yours to take advantage of. That doesn't mean people you've personally invited into your space are bad people nor does it make you stupid for opening your heart to them. Closed doors aren't an indication of some kind of hole in the universe or that you've somehow miss the chance to utilize your gifts and passions here on earth; it just means that everyone ain't for you and those "missed" opportunities just weren't yours to have in the first place.

In other words, stop thinking that just because things don't happen within your expectations that there is some kind of lack in the world around you. It's all about what you are actively see(k)ing. 

We have to learn how to take responsibility for the part we play in certain situations. All day long, people are hosting endless discussions about the lack of good men, the scarcity of employment, and what's the news or in the tabloids. Meanwhile, we pretty much convince ourselves that it just isn't enough good to go around; that love, happiness, success are only given to select few and the rest of us are left wishing on a star. I'm here to tell you that's not the case, because although tragic things do happen and bad people do exist, there is an abundance of goodness floating around universe, waiting for us to not only be ready and open enough to receive it, but to also believe in abundance itself.

Keeping that in mind, I don't worry/stress about who or what comes and goes anymore, because that's not my concern. All I have to focus on in this moment is the development of self; to grow, to learn, to cultivate the dreams in my heart, to appreciate the things/people I am already blessed with, and to allow the energy I put into myself to attract the goodness that I know is out there, designed especially for me. 



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