Friday, October 7, 2016

Make Time for What's Important (an Homage to Personal Happiness)

Amandla Stenberg | @amandlastenberg
"...Livin' my life like it's golden, livin' my life like it's golden..." 
-Jill Scott

As I've gotten older, I've been considering what's important to me at this point in my life. Only naturally, my priorities over the years have shifted, but sometimes I fall into this trap of nostalgia that makes me miss who I used to be, and sometimes even, who I pretended to be. It's actually quite annoying that I've clung so tightly to things that aren't relevant anymore. What a waste of time! Although it took a while, I'm finally ready to burn the books and dead those chapters that should have been closed years ago. Although letting go can sometimes be a very frustrating transition period, it's time to move on. 

Moving on and detaching from something can hurt like hell, I know from experience, however, I'm starting to realize that there is a greater reward on the other side of release. This could be letting go of negative thinking, distancing oneself from toxic individuals, allowing the past to stay in the past, and so forth. It isn't always easy to learn how to live without certain situations. It's a process for people like me that takes time to work through. Eventually, the release will be viewed as necessary, because there is no longer a need to continue to block incoming blessings with things that don't quite fit in your life anymore. Alongside fighting depression and striving to be happy, I'm sure I've written about this before. 

I have to remember to take a deep breath and not allow things I can't control to cause me stress. When I forget, there are gentle reminders all around me, such as my iPhone's lock screen, my mom's encouraging words, my best friends' listening ears. I've even met someone recently, who has been such a breath of fresh air-and with effortless guidance-keeps me just as grounded as the people closest to me. Even on a romantic level, I am learning not to think so far ahead. Staying present has granted the opportunity to find peace in small, yet significant ways and to practice what I preach in regards to affirming my own happiness and finding beauty in all things (without questioning if I deserve beautiful things to happen to me).  Because typically, this is my pattern: I'll write out what good things are happening one minute and completely self-sabotage and abort the next...

Crissle West | @crissles

So back to taking into account all that's important to me at this point in my life, which all boils down to happiness and peace of mind; cultivating the opportunity to receive those things and not distract myself with whatever I don't have. I only want to give energy to things that bring me joy. I only want to make room for genuine souls who are able to reciprocate my effort and my love without me having to beg or compromise my worth. I only want to engage in activities that are positive and helpful to my growth. I only want to promote love and positive vibrations in all facets of my life. The more I focus my energy on what I do want to grow and proliferate, the less space I make for things I don't want.

Also, I've been spending as much time as possible with my family. Every single day, I run into people who aren't fortunate enough to share special bonds with family members and it reminds me of how blessed I am. Magically enough, it gives me less time to think about people who aren't in my life anymore or cry over who treated me poorly/didn't show love the way I expected and even deserved to be loved, because there are plenty of people who play active roles in my life, even outside of my family circle, whose love sustains me daily. And sometimes the lack of friends in my immediate environment makes me forget all the wonderful friends I've made in my life thus far, who I am 100% sure will be around for a lifetime. It's normal for the people we love to live very busy and separate lives, but we all will always find a way:

Make time for what's important 

...which means carving out quality time for each other. There is no secret science to how to do it; it's actually very simple. For me personally, prioritizing has proven to be a natural remedy for depression, as well as an organic way to keep my anxiety to a minimum. The past nor the future is as important as what's happening in this moment.

These past few weeks have been difficult and super stressful, simply because I was just trying to find balance, yet feeling like I was drowning in the process. But yesterday, I literally woke up and decided to be happy...and, to my surprise, it actually worked! As long as I can wake up and make that choice, I know I'll be fine. I'm aware that everyday won't be perfect and some days are harder than others, but finally I understand just how much I deserve to be happy...

Lizzo | @Lizzo

Smiling from ear to ear happy.
Can't stop laughing out loud happy.
Owning every room I walk in happy.
Excited to face each day and every challenge happy.
Shining from the inside out happy. 
Knowing that everything will be OK + the universe is safe happy. 

Finally. 

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Sunday, June 5, 2016

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | Falling Behind

In the age of social media, sometimes avoiding the game of comparison becomes a daunting task. I'm not sure if this is anyone else's problem, but I decided to be candid in the case that it is. We live in a society of sharing, where we share everything from celebrating milestones to what we eat that day. It's no longer weird to walk around in public, arm extended, talking to and/or posing for a phone or a camera. Despite the many benefits of blogging and social media to name, we are narcissistic and over-exposed. Thus, we've created the perfect formula for self-sabotage, jealousy, delusion, etc. to exist.

All of us are selective, very strategic about what we share, because most of us want to be perceived a certain way. Most of us-myself included-don't want to show certain aspects of our lives out of fear of being too vulnerable.  We don't want to be open about our failures or the mistakes we've made that caused us to fail. We don't want to highlight our fears and insecurities (even though sometimes we do, unconsciously). We don't want to show moments of defeat.

There have been moments when I'd drop "subtle" hints on Twitter about something I'm going through and a close friend would text me: 'hey, are you okay?' As much as I truly appreciate gestures of genuine concern, I'd immediately feel embarrassed, stumbling all over my words/thoughts to respond...as if I'm not supposed to have any emotion besides happiness. Why is that? Do I not fully grasp the concept that everyone has their own demons to fight and it's okay to be sad sometimes? 

And I know most of the sadness stems from having green eyes, playing envy of others' blessings or ability to be blessed. It reminds of a familiar bible story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). Careful not to rescript the entire passage, it was basically a parable Jesus told to his disciples of two sons, one who did everything right according to his father's laws and the other who ran away and was frivolous of his inheritance. The son who stayed at his father's estate felt he lived an noteworthy life and because of that carried this sense of entitlement and didn't think his brother deserved to be welcomed home with elaborate gifts and celebration. When he questioned his father, the father reassured him that he was always with him and everything he owned was his. The compassion he felt for the brother didn't change or lessen the love he had for both of them, nor did it take away from what belonged to each son individually.

Basically, there is enough room in the universe for all of us to be blessed, but if we're consumed with what others have, we fail to recognize the blessings and resources available to us. Also, we never truly know what people have gone through to get to where they are, because for most people, those are the parts they refuse to showcase. 

Obviously, the greater lesson here is to not compare your journey to that of others. However, I constantly catch myself thinking the grass must be greener on the other side, watching other people experience certain things and feeling inadequate, or feeling like I'm falling behind, especially at the age where every one around me sort of expects me to have my life together by now.

A little over a year ago, I wrote a post about believing in abundance and how much I don't believe there is a such thing as "missed opportunities", yet-more often that I'd like to admitt-I fall into this conviction that I missed my mark, that I had all these chances that I ruined, somehow. It's such an awful way to think, but I'm just being honest and the first step to healing is acknowledgement. 

So where do I go from here? How many times do I have to remind myself that it's all good, that I'm here for a reason, that God hasn't forgotten about my silent prayers? This whole life thing is a learning curve and I don't think I'll ever have all the answers to these penetrating questions. A huge part of me trusting the process is acceptance and expressing myself via words-no matter how over exposed I may be-allows me to be more honest with where I am at each stage.

Nante yie.

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Sunday, April 10, 2016

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | BO$$ Up + Prosper

"In a world where there's so much pressure to be a specific kind of beautiful, it's important to know how to validate yourself..live for...dress for...transform/get fit/ "glo-up" FOR YOUR SELF."  
Chymere A.


In a matter of months, I've witnessed my entire psyche transform from the dark, depressed place I was in a few years ago to this powerhouse full of ideas, motivation, and creative energy. I don't know where it came from, but I can only thank God that I'm living in it. There have been a few times over the past few years, where I could literally sense good things manifesting and in the blink of an eye, the moment was gone, so I'm trying my best to hold on to what's happening right now without thinking too far ahead of myself.

So as I'm basking in this moment, I developed a new motto that I've shared on a couple social media platforms, which is: BOSS Up and Prosper. To be honest, I think it came to me while listening to my 'Release Your Inner Trill' play list on Spotify after experiencing some unexpected heartbreak and wanting to show that person the physical aspect of what they (plural to include the ones who came before him) were really missing. It wasn't because I actually believed I was physically desirable, but because I allowed my own insecurity to make me forget that I will always be a beautiful child of God and it wasn't up to me to highlight my beauty, just for someone else to applaud it. 

Suddenly, I remembered how pitiful it was to do things solely for the attention of someone so insignificant for years. I could recall how painful it once felt to become so attached to that kind of longing for a person I didn't need to the point where it slowly turned into an addiction. To avoid traveling that road again, I had to pull myself together quickly, because I don't have that kind of time to waste anymore. 

Once I realized certain things were just out of my control no matter how well I could pose for "the gram" or what I did on the outside, I had to redefine what BOSS Up + Prosper meant and I think the definition varies per person. For me, it means validating who I am as a person and not looking for other people to do that for me. Now, when I include the word 'prosper' in that affirmation, I'm not necessarily referring to material things, like money, fame, artificial success, etc. Although there might be a time to consider those things, I'm speaking about things that are more valuable, such as spiritual/physical/mental well-being, self-worth, and chasing dreams...because in a world where there's so much pressure to be a specific kind of beautiful, it's important to know how to validate oneself..live for...dress for...transform/get fit/ "glo-up" for yourself.

Ladies and gentleman, whatever comes your way that distracts you from your greatness, whatever level you're on, just boss up, prosper, and allow God (or whatever higher power you acknowledge) to handle the rest. It's a lesson I learn to practice daily, but knowing it and understanding it pushes me closer to my destiny. 

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Sunday, February 14, 2016

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | Focus on the good.

Lately, I haven't been proactive about practicing gratitude; I haven't put much effort into finding and acknowledging the the good stuff that is constantly showing up in my life. There are days I wake up so full of life, love, and other things, but there are days where I reach the opposite extreme and feel so lifeless and down for no reason at all. It's been plenty of days where I would really lose myself in negative thoughts, latch on to negative situations, and convince myself that because of previous mistakes I somehow deserve this. However, I'm coming to an understanding of how unfair that is to me, how deflective it is of the amount of love I claim to have for myself, and how easily all that negativity rubs off on the people who love me dearly.

For instance, I have the job I want, the exact position I prayed to be in, yet when I get home, I'm complaining for hours about something I dislike about my job. I worked extremely hard to buy a car last year (after being car-less for nearly 4 years), but complain when I have to maintain it. This is just a surface-level insight on the long list of blessings that I don't say thank you for enough and actually don't take full responsibility for, yet are the same ones that if I ever lost them, I don't know how I'd function without. Sometimes, more often than not, gratitude is the catalyst for life to manifest in really beautiful ways, a truth I've witnessed many times first hand.

Something must be done; I have to do better. It's been my mission to open my eyes, mind, and heart a little more and pay close(r) attention to all the awesome things happening right in front of me/all around me, even the small things that so many people take for granted. It's obvious that every day won't be perfect, every situation I find myself in won't be ideal, but I still have to find as many opportunities as possible to be grateful for life as it is in each moment, to make a conscious effort to face the fear, dismiss the anxiety, and focus on the good. 
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