Tuesday, February 23, 2016

IV


At 4:44 this morning, I'd just finish watching 'Year of the 4' documentary that Beyonce released back in 2011.  I know I've used this particular segment of her life as a reference a million times, each time I watch it, different feelings of empowerment emerge from my being, which force me to put certain things into perspective. I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a member of the #BeyHive, but what I love about that documentary is that I'm able to take something significantly new from it each time I watch it. As soon as it went off., I was not inspired and motivated the same way I usually am. Instead, it stirred something within me that made me question the moment I stopped chasing the dreams God placed in my heart. Also, because I am a numbers person, the number IV (4) resonated more this time around in a way that I can't really explain.

As a society, I do believe we invest way too much time into the mentality that dreams don't really come true, and if they do, they are only designed for select few people. We hold on to this, then teach our children to think the same way. Whether it is fate or coincidence, I do not know, but we cling to this belief that we can't go higher than we already are. Because of that, we unconsciously choose to surround ourselves with toxic energy, afraid that any wrong move will disappoint the crabs at the bottom of the bucket who don't want to see anyone succeed beyond what they know.

Aside from that, I've began to notice cycles in my own life. When I clock into a job day in and day out, with each passing hour, it weighs heavy on my heart to find a solution/strategy to overcoming those cycles I mimic, as well as the ones I manifest with my own free will.  The more I learn about all the individuals I personally admire-celebrities and friends alike-who have decided to go after their dreams, I ask myself, 'when did I begin to settle into this mundane life of working just to pay bills and never leaving enough energy to chase mine? Why am I not dedicating any parts of myself to the things that bring happiness and peace to my soul? The questions are still lingering in my brain. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to dig deep enough to sort through all the choices that lead me here to uncover some sort of clear indication of what my own truth is.

It's true that we all want/need a certain level of monetary satisfaction. However, there are days when it literally feels like I've completely surrendered to the hamster wheel, just running in endless circles behind a $$$ that I'm never able to truly enjoy, surrounded by people doing the exact same thing, and it's absolutely draining. Sometimes, guilt eats at me for thinking that there has to be something else out there, because I'm quickly reminded of the people in my life who have sacrificed so much of their life-even their own dreams-making sure I was well taken care of. Those are the moments I have to tell myself to focus on the good and pull myself out of la-la land...at least until my shift is over. 

Perhaps it's not up to me to decide how this all plays out, but I'd like to think that I have some sort of role to play in creating the life I want. It frightens me to imagine coming to the end of this road we call life and not being able to recall anything worth remembering or not having a real impact on the world. Although it sounds a bit cynical to be thinking of the end when adult life is still relatively new to me, I know from experience that it can all be over in the blink of an eye. I'm not sure what even made me want to share this vent; I just want my life to mean something.

♥ @ChymereA 




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Sunday, February 14, 2016

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | Focus on the good.

Lately, I haven't been proactive about practicing gratitude; I haven't put much effort into finding and acknowledging the the good stuff that is constantly showing up in my life. There are days I wake up so full of life, love, and other things, but there are days where I reach the opposite extreme and feel so lifeless and down for no reason at all. It's been plenty of days where I would really lose myself in negative thoughts, latch on to negative situations, and convince myself that because of previous mistakes I somehow deserve this. However, I'm coming to an understanding of how unfair that is to me, how deflective it is of the amount of love I claim to have for myself, and how easily all that negativity rubs off on the people who love me dearly.

For instance, I have the job I want, the exact position I prayed to be in, yet when I get home, I'm complaining for hours about something I dislike about my job. I worked extremely hard to buy a car last year (after being car-less for nearly 4 years), but complain when I have to maintain it. This is just a surface-level insight on the long list of blessings that I don't say thank you for enough and actually don't take full responsibility for, yet are the same ones that if I ever lost them, I don't know how I'd function without. Sometimes, more often than not, gratitude is the catalyst for life to manifest in really beautiful ways, a truth I've witnessed many times first hand.

Not too long ago, I made a conscious decision to "end" my Self-Love♡Sundays series, mainly because I was so frustrated that I wasn't following my own advice through it all. Self-love, of course, is a journey we're always on individually and even though I started it to help others, after a while, I began to feel strange dishing out words of wisdom to a person who wasn't even trying to listen (ME). As inspirational as that series may be, reading those post now make me think of myself as being hypocritical, because here I am with all this amazing advice and nothing to show for it. It always keeps me wondering why I continue to stand in my own way and as I'm writing, I realize that this post is yet another a reminder to simply get out my own way.

Something must be done; I have to do better. It's been my mission to open my eyes, mind, and heart a little more and pay close(r) attention to all the awesome things happening right in front of me/all around me, even the small things that so many people take for granted. It's obvious that every day won't be perfect, every situation I find myself in won't be ideal, but I still have to find as many opportunities as possible to be grateful for life as it is in each moment, to make a conscious effort to face the fear, dismiss the anxiety, and focus on the good. 

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Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Music Collective: vol. 42 {ANTI}


For months now, style/music icon, Rihanna, has been dropping hints about her upcoming album ANTI without a promise of a release date. However, scheduling and announcing a world tour was an indication to fans that it wouldn't be long before it would be available.
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