Tuesday, April 12, 2016

I Miss You...

I believe I’m homesick for things that don’t exist in my life anymore. The specifics vary-people, places, eras-but it all boils down to feeling a bit nostalgic, which can be a distraction from the present moment. Although it can be a beautiful thing to look back to think about all the wonderful memories or even to thank God for how far he’s brought us, it becomes problematic when we try too hard to hold on to the past and fail to accept where we are right now.

The what if’s don’t have the power to change what is, so I might as well accept it. I know it’s God’s plan to keep my eyes forward, focused on what lies ahead (Proverbs 4:25) and keeping into consideration all the good happening right now (Philippians 4:8). Despite me knowing this, it doesn’t change how I seem to always feel. It doesn’t stop my thoughts from constantly attempting time travel and gravitating backwards. Each time I think they’re just fleeing feelings, they all come rushing back eventually and I’ve tried all the tricks in the book to master the art of letting go, but nothing seems to work.

What baffles me is realizing all the other things I’ve been able to release and move on from with no problem. I forgive even the people who have never apologized to me directly. I don’t hold grudges or allow past conflict to stop me from rebuilding bridges. Every single day I do my absolute best to not allow past failure/mistakes hinder me from achieving great things in the future. Of course this is all by grace alone, because I wasn’t always like that. However, there is one specific time frame, one particular person, one long gone season of my life that I just cannot seem to let go of...and I honestly don’t know what’s left to do about it.

For a long time, I will admit, that letting go was scary to me, but now I’m ready; mainly because I feel like it’s the only thing stopping me from receiving greater blessings that are waiting for me. Maybe if I create intention with my heart, things will change, but for now, the only truth I can express is...

I miss you, sincerely...

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1 comment

  1. I've been struggling with this same feeling for over a year now. But they haven't completely left and neither have I. But due to change, distance, and time, I completely understand when you say " I miss you". Letting go is hard as HELL.

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