Sunday, June 5, 2016

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | Falling Behind

In the age of social media, sometimes avoiding the game of comparision becomes a daunting task. I'm not sure if this is anyone else's problem, but I decided to be candid in the case that it is. We live in a society of sharing, where we share everything from celebrating milestones to what we eat that day. It's no longer weird to walk around in public, arm extended, talking to and/or posing for a phone or a camera. Despite the many benefits of blogging and social media to name, we are narcissistic and over-exposed. Thus, we've created the perfect formula for self-sabatoge, jealousy, delusion, etc. to exist.

All of us are selective, very strategic about what we share, because most of us want to be percieved a certain way. Most of us-myself included-don't want to show certain aspects of our lives out of fear of being too vulnerable.  We don't want to be open about our failures or the mistakes we've made that caused us to fail. We don't want to highlight our fears and insecurities (even though sometimes we do, unconsciously). We don't want to show moments of defeat.

There have been moments when I'd drop "subtle" hints on my Twitter feed about something I'm going through and a close friend would text me: 'hey, are you okay?' As much as I truly appreciate gestures of genuine concern, I'd immediately feel embarrassed, stumbling all over my words/thoughts to respond...as if I'm not supposed to have any emotion besides happiness. Why is that? Do I not fully grasp the concept that everyone has their own demons to fight and it's okay to be sad sometimes? 

And I know most of the sadness stems from having green eyes, playing envy of others' blessings or ability to be blessed. It reminds of a familiar bible story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). Careful not to rescript the entire passage, it was basically a parable Jesus told to his disciples of two sons, one who did everything right according to his father's laws and the other who ran away and was frivolous of his inheritance. The son who stayed at his father's estate felt he lived an noteworthy life and because of that carried this sense of entitlement and didn't think his brother deserved to be welcomed home with elaborate gifts and celebration. When he questioned his father, the father reassured him that he was always with him and everything he owned was his. The compassion he felt for the brother didn't change or lessen the love he had for both of them, nor did it take away from what belonged to each son individually.

Basically, there is enough room in the universe for all of us to be blessed, but if we're consumed with what others have, we fail to recognize the blessings and resources available to us. Also, we never truly know what people have gone through to get to where they are, because for most people, those are the parts they refuse to showcase. 

Obviously, the greater lesson here is to not compare your journey to that of others. However, I constantly catch myself thinking the grass must be greener on the other side, watching other people experience certain things and feeling inadequate, or feeling like I'm falling behind, especially at the age where every one around me sort of expects me to have my life together by now.

A little over a year ago, I wrote a post about believing in abundance and how much I don't believe there is a such thing as "missed opportunities", yet-more often that I'd like to admitt-I fall into this conviction that I missed my mark, that I had all these chances that I ruined, somehow. It's such an awful way to think, but I'm just being honest and the first step to healing is acknowledgement. 

So where do I go from here? How many times do I have to remind myself that it's all good, that I'm here for a reason, that God hasn't forgotten about my silent prayers? This whole life thing is a learning curve and I don't think I'll ever have all the answers to these penetrating questions. A huge part of me trusting the process is acceptance and expressing myself via words-no matter how over exposed I may be-allows me to be more honest with where I am at each stage.

Nante yie.

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4 comments

  1. I think we all fall into this keeping up trap. Sometimes it helps to realize there's people out there who want the things you have, the same way we want the things other people have. I'm starting to realize that even when we reach certain milestones and reach certain goals, there will always be more wants, hopes, and dreams around the corner. I was listening to this really good podcast a while back about enjoying the season you're in, and it really helped me stop and smell the metaphorical roses! Slide in my DM if you're interested; I'll send you the link.

    ;)

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    1. Sounds like something I'd be interested in...send it my way!!!

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  2. Last night my friend sent me an article publish 5 years ago and he said I use to wish this were me. Reading the article, and being on this journey with him for the last year plus, watching the hard work, and for him to be accepted for the fellowship program that he read about 5 years ago, I'm so proud of him. But other people would think that it was simple. No the grass isn't greener, but we all have opportunities/ resources and we work toward them. Don't worry you got this. Hope all is well with school! I know what you're studying is hard (engineering), but you'll make it through. Oh, he's also an engineer, and he was able to overcome that too.

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    1. Thank you for this and the encouragement!!!

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