When Preparation Meets Opportunity | Cheers to the Next 10 Years

Photo by Joe Hu on Unsplash

As I spent some time towards the end of 2017 reflecting on the year, I started to think about the last time I sincerely believed a year was my year. It's around this time that people are typically putting stake in the claim, entering a new calendar cycle with this whirlwind of optimism that was bound to sizzle by April. I know for a fact that I've been this person many times before, where - almost naturally - blank canvas and new beginnings excite me, but the momentum dies down by mid-year, if not, early spring at best. However, something about two thousand eighteen just feels...different. 

I looked to my old journals for reference, because I really wanted to know what my thought processes were over the past several New Years. I finally found my answer. Although I'm always pretty optimistic, the last time I truly believed within myself that it was my year was back in 2008 and honestly, I don't have much to show for it now. Damn. 

With that time frame in mind, I gave some more thought into what my intentions are for this year. The concept of 10 whole years going by was pretty surreal to me. I could remember being that young, bright-eyed girl; so care-free and full of excitement and hope for the future. Then, my mind couldn't stop thinking about what happened to her, like that version of myself was just some rag doll I traded for a fair shot at adulthood, and I really started to miss her. 

Slowly, but surely, the person I used to be crept into my quiet time as a reminder to my current "grown-up" self that that same girl is still very much alive, and all I needed to do to revive her is let go of all the fear that has been holding me back, all the pressure to fit into a certain box, and just believe again.  It was that simple.

Strangely enough, this conversation I was having with myself inspired how I want to move in 2018. Considering the last time I felt super amplified by a new year was a full decade ago, I decided on the spot that everything I touch this year will be a set up or preparation for the next 10 years, therefore if another 10 years flies by before I feel like I've reached a pinnacle again, I can look back knowing that I 1000% maximized the opportunity to make 2018 my year. I'm entering a very pivotal phase in my life where I really want to focus on purpose and making sure everything within my reach has long-term value.  Time is precious, so - in my mind - I only have one shot to get it right and for whatever reason, that kind of pressure leads me to think that this is going to be one of my best years yet. 

Make Time for What's Important (an Homage to Personal Happiness)

Amandla Stenberg | @amandlastenberg

"...Livin' my life like it's golden, livin' my life like it's golden..." 

-Jill Scott

As I've gotten older, I've been considering what's important to me at this point in my life. Only naturally, my priorities over the years have shifted, but sometimes I fall into this trap of nostalgia that makes me miss who I used to be, and sometimes even, who I pretended to be. It's actually quite annoying that I've clung so tightly to things that aren't relevant anymore. What a waste of time! Although it took a while, I'm finally ready to burn the books and dead those chapters that should have been closed years ago. Although letting go can sometimes be a very frustrating transition period, it's time to move on. 

Moving on and detaching from something can hurt like hell, I know from experience, however, I'm starting to realize that there is a greater reward on the other side of release. This could be letting go of negative thinking, distancing oneself from toxic individuals, allowing the past to stay in the past, and so forth. It isn't always easy to learn how to live without certain situations. It's a process for people like me that takes time to work through. Eventually, the release will be viewed as necessary, because there is no longer a need to continue to block incoming blessings with things that don't quite fit in your life anymore. Alongside fighting depression and striving to be happy, I'm sure I've written about this before. 

I have to remember to take a deep breath and not allow things I can't control to cause me stress. When I forget, there are gentle reminders all around me, such as my iPhone's lock screen, my mom's encouraging words, my best friends' listening ears. I've even met someone recently, who has been such a breath of fresh air-and with effortless guidance-keeps me just as grounded as the people closest to me. Even on a romantic level, I am learning not to think so far ahead. Staying present has granted the opportunity to find peace in small, yet significant ways and to practice what I preach in regards to affirming my own happiness and finding beauty in all things (without questioning if I deserve beautiful things to happen to me).  Because typically, this is my pattern: I'll write out what good things are happening one minute and completely self-sabotage and abort the next...

Crissle West | @crissles

So back to taking into account all that's important to me at this point in my life, which all boils down to happiness and peace of mind; cultivating the opportunity to receive those things and not distract myself with whatever I don't have. I only want to give energy to things that bring me joy. I only want to make room for genuine souls who are able to reciprocate my effort and my love without me having to beg or compromise my worth. I only want to engage in activities that are positive and helpful to my growth. I only want to promote love and positive vibrations in all facets of my life. The more I focus my energy on what I do want to grow and proliferate, the less space I make for things I don't want.

Also, I've been spending as much time as possible with my family. Every single day, I run into people who aren't fortunate enough to share special bonds with family members and it reminds me of how blessed I am. Magically enough, it gives me less time to think about people who aren't in my life anymore or cry over who treated me poorly/didn't show love the way I expected and even deserved to be loved, because there are plenty of people who play active roles in my life, even outside of my family circle, whose love sustains me daily. And sometimes the lack of friends in my immediate environment makes me forget all the wonderful friends I've made in my life thus far, who I am 100% sure will be around for a lifetime. It's normal for the people we love to live very busy and separate lives, but we all will always find a way:

Make time for what's important 

...which means carving out quality time for each other. There is no secret science to how to do it; it's actually very simple. For me personally, prioritizing has proven to be a natural remedy for depression, as well as an organic way to keep my anxiety to a minimum. The past nor the future is as important as what's happening in this moment.

These past few weeks have been difficult and super stressful, simply because I was just trying to find balance, yet feeling like I was drowning in the process. But yesterday, I literally woke up and decided to be happy...and, to my surprise, it actually worked! As long as I can wake up and make that choice, I know I'll be fine. I'm aware that everyday won't be perfect and some days are harder than others, but finally I understand just how much I deserve to be happy...

Lizzo | @Lizzo

Smiling from ear to ear happy.

Can't stop laughing out loud happy.

Owning every room I walk in happy.
Excited to face each day and every challenge happy.
Shining from the inside out happy. 
Knowing that everything will be OK + the universe is safe happy. 

Finally. 

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | Focus on the good.

Lately, I haven't been proactive about practicing gratitude; I haven't put much effort into finding and acknowledging the the good stuff that is constantly showing up in my life. There are days I wake up so full of life, love, and other things, but there are days where I reach the opposite extreme and feel so lifeless and down for no reason at all. It's been plenty of days where I would really lose myself in negative thoughts, latch on to negative situations, and convince myself that because of previous mistakes I somehow deserve this. However, I'm coming to an understanding of how unfair that is to me, how deflective it is of the amount of love I claim to have for myself, and how easily all that negativity rubs off on the people who love me dearly.

For instance, I have the job I want, the exact position I prayed to be in, yet when I get home, I'm complaining for hours about something I dislike about my job. I worked extremely hard to buy a car last year (after being car-less for nearly 4 years), but complain when I have to maintain it. This is just a surface-level insight on the long list of blessings that I don't say thank you for enough and actually don't take full responsibility for, yet are the same ones that if I ever lost them, I don't know how I'd function without. Sometimes, more often than not, gratitude is the catalyst for life to manifest in really beautiful ways, a truth I've witnessed many times first hand.

Something must be done; I have to do better. It's been my mission to open my eyes, mind, and heart a little more and pay close(r) attention to all the awesome things happening right in front of me/all around me, even the small things that so many people take for granted. It's obvious that every day won't be perfect, every situation I find myself in won't be ideal, but I still have to find as many opportunities as possible to be grateful for life as it is in each moment, to make a conscious effort to face the fear, dismiss the anxiety, and focus on the good. 

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | Guard Your Heart

Being guarded has always felt a bit like an oxymoron. On one hand, this mechanism taught me so many dimensions of the love I have for myself, for others, and the world around me. In that regard, it has been a sort of protective shield, which can be a good thing. On the other hand, I became immune-so numb to the pain of detachment and so doubtful of anything potentially good happening-that I built indestructible walls around my heart that would be able to withstand any storm and would never shake or crumble, making it nearly impossible to open my eyes wide enough see the world in an optimistic light.

For example, there was an era in my life where people came and went so much that it didn't bother me either way after a while. There was no real purpose in trying to build anything with anybody. During this time, I tricked myself into believing it was unrealistic to expect another human being to love someone like me. I simply gave up hope. The isolation kept me so incredibly guarded that I subconsciously blocked the positive along with the negative.

Fortunately and gradually, I was reminded of the vast world that exist right beyond my tough exterior. I was reminded that one day, I would open my heart again and allowing my guards to fall would be well worth the risk. With a renewed sense of hope, I started to hammer cracks in my outer shell to make it easier for others to maneuver pass my defense system, to make it easier for good things to make their way into my life without any doubt or self sabotage. But sometimes, even I couldn't break through all the layers, forcing me to resort back to feeling like my effort wasn't good enough and filling in the cracks I made from the inside.

Anytime I welcome someone or something new into my life, of course I want whatever/whoever it is to stay forever, but I had to learn that it doesn't always work like that. It used to hurt so badly whenever I felt like I "missed out" on a person or an opportunity, because I love so hard and get extremely attached, even if I don't always show or express it. When I seriously grow to love anything, I give it my all. Although it's still a very difficult task for me to be completely open to new possibilities, I try to believe that good things can and will happen. If I feel like a relationship that is meaningful to me is slipping, I try to locate what's wrong and fix it. Rather than viewing my passion as a downfall, I now see it as a kind of superpower I'm still learning how to master.

Instead of rebuilding that wall of steel when my actions are not reciprocated or things don't exactly align the way I see fit, I've come up with a different approach; total surrender, total trust. As I relinquish that false sense of power by control, I am able to love, accept, and move on accordingly, a far shot from where I used to be. I now know that once I've given my best and it's still not enough, I have no other choice but to walk away and give God control over the situation.  This does not imply that I no longer guard my heart; it just means that I don't have to always react to adversity in such a negative way that I create blockage for future blessings, nor do I feel the need to have all the answers, all the control, all the time.

Acceptance is knowing that everyone and every opportunity is not designed for me, which is something I've written multiple times over the course of this self-love journey. Because I am human and I can be foolish sometimes, there will be instances where I choose to not listen to my intuition; it's a process. However, being aware of the differences helps me better decipher the seasonal from the lifetime, the good from the evil, etc. and being careful not to confuse any of the two.

The God-inspired verse said it best in Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." That scripture has been my guiding light in not only relationship matters, but also in life, I guard my heart to prevent toxins and pollution from disturbing my purpose, but not to the point where I am intentionally missing the beauty around/within me. My heart is a sacred place. and although I'm no longer as hellbent as I once was about guarding it, I still think it's very important to remain protective of it.

♥ @ChymereA

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | Facing Reality

The thing about clarity is, it doesn't always come wrapped in a pretty package nor is it always delivered under the circumstances of "handle with care". Sometimes reality is a hard kick in the abdomen when you're least expecting it. Despite how painful it may be to accept truth, truth in itself is impossible to run away from and that's life. 

Lately, I admit that I was trying my best to run away from the truth, chasing the delusions drawn by my own imagination. While I was busy living in dreamland, the universe was trying to open my eyes and God was busy trying to protect me from the things I couldn't possibly foresee on my own. Choosing to walk in certain situations blind sighted was doing more harm than good. Just as I was avoiding the negative by escaping my own reality, I was also do a good job at avoiding the positive, and closing myself off from all the good that can only happen if I would learn how to fully release/let go of all that isn't aligned with where I am at this point in my life.

There's a valuable lesson to be learned in putting my heart in places it doesn't fit. One major lesson is a confirmation of what I already know, as I've said this many times over the course of the SLS series: what is meant to be, will be and who God has for me is for me. Somehow, I believed the universe needed my assistance, but boy was I wrong! It re-teaches me that everything happens for a reason. More than anything, it shows me how much I've grown, because instead of mulling over what went wrong, I'm peacefully accepting the things I have absolutely no control over. From here on out, I just have to be able to trust all things organic, all things present and real, and to be completely patient with the process of life unfolding as it should. 

Facing reality doesn't change a thing. I am still unapologetic about who I am and who I allow into my life, past and present; only next time around, I'll know the difference between fantasy and reality, because I am more willing to take responsibility for my inability to discern between the two in the first place.

Pearls of Wisdom: Embrace where you are in this moment. Appreciate the people, opportunities, and resources that are available to you right now. Accept truth and don't try to hold on to anything that isn't for you, so that you are able to clear the necessary space for the blessings that are destined to follow inner peace. Things don't always work out as we planned, but certainly, there is always a higher power working on our behalf.  

♥ @ChymereA

Self-Love ♡ Sundays | A Season to Thrive

Journal Entry: 12.22.14

We're a couple of days away from Christmas. I'm not exactly festive, but I'm not sad either. Maybe, I'm somewhere in between, and perhaps, not even mid-way. Whatever it is I'm feeling is calm, which is not always the case for me emotionally, so that's a good thing. Just sitting in bed daydreaming about 2015, a brand new cycle of 365 days that I'm pretty anxious to walk into. Optimistic about better days to come.

Today, I opened the happiness jar I started at the beginning of this year. A lot of memories were created in 2014 and reading these little notes to myself reminded me of how incredibly blessed I am. God has been so good and I can't even begin to thank Him/Her enough.

I want this next year to be my season to thrive and I mean that from the bottom of my soul. I cannot expect to transform into the woman I'm designed to be if I'm not making the necessary changes/adjustments first.  It's time to accelerate and get all these dreams off the ground and out of my head into reality. And considering I've only been surrounding myself with positive energy and people who genuinely want to see me win, the only thing stopping me from reaching higher levels is me. 

I am aware that I need to really push pass the self-sabotaging limitations of myself in order to really go after the things I want in life. No more talking, daydreaming, and/or sulking about what I don't have or what I could have done. All I'll ever have is the moments I'm given. God willing, I'll be blessed with opportunities to see many more new years and will find it in myself to truly live each one, always choosing happiness, health, love, creativity, and purpose over everything else. 

I feel like there is something-some kind of magical, magnetic power-that I'm not quite tapping into, but I'm on the brink of somehow reaching that place. I feel myself in the process of attracting beautiful things into my existence. I'm ready for the new year, but is the new year ready for me? Quite frankly, it has no other choice. 

Love always,

♡ // @ChymereA

Pearls of Wisdom: Life is honestly what you make it. We all go through things that make us question if happiness could ever truly be yours, but you must rise above those insecurities and moments of doubt and claim the happiness you deserve. Put in work, because no one is going to do it for you. You are the gateway to a better tomorrow; it's your choice to remain closed or open yourself up to all the wonderful things the universe has made available to you. 

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Committing to the self-love journey over the past 6 months on my blog has played a key role in my personal development and my plan is to continue to write through it. I've not only discovered so much about who I am, it's also taught me a lesson of vulnerability and allowing my scars to show. Although these have essentially been love notes to myself, I can only hope that I've inspired someone else along the way. Thank you so much for all the kind and encouraging words and for sending nothing but peace and positive energy my way as I share intimate pieces of my heart and take you on this journey with me. You will never know how much it means to have strangers who uplift you and whose spirits fill/feel you via a computer screen. To the loyal readers and the people who are simply passing through, I thank you for your on going presence and support. ♥ C.A.